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The Dark Side

Why would you want to leave me? Buying the cheap plastic is easy. I'm everywhere. I'm affordable. I break just often enough to keep you coming back. You know where to find me. Gas station. Junk drawer. Buried underneath the seat.

A stick figure standing on a heap of dead black ice scrapers, one broken scraper held up in one hand. An arrow points at the figure, labelled in red: Jerry. Also, you.
Jerry, and everything Jerry has bought.

This is Jerry.

Jerry skis the bunny hill. He's been on the chairlift twice and still doesn't know which way to get off.

His goggles are fogged. His gloves are wet. He's somehow wearing jeans under his snow pants. His ice scraper? Probably something he got from a booth at the base of the mountain. Honestly, I'm just proud he isn't using his keys to scrape the windshield at this point.

Don't be a Jerry...

Scrapers per winter
2
Colours chosen
0
Decisions made
0
Month it snaps
January

Before you join, three questions.

  • 01

    Do you want to be lame?

    Oh, it's not long enough? Why not just tape an ice scraper blade onto a pool noodle?

  • 02

    Do you want to be boring?

    An ice scraper with a brush? You're clearing your windshield, not sweeping the front porch.

  • 03

    Do you want to be unfun?

    Keep using the scraper from the super market.

Three yeses and you're officially on team “it was $3 at the gas station, honey.”

If this is you, do not buy a Ski Scraper.

The last ice scraper you should have to buy. It does not snap at the neck, the blade comes off and goes back on, and January stops being an event. There would be nothing left to complain about in the car park.

I am Jerry.

And I approve this message.

Sign me up
“Bro, that green was sick!” — said you.

Break your ice scraper.

The $5 amnestyFootnote: the offer's conditions is the way out, and it is open all season: break the one you already own, on camera, and a code comes back.

  1. 01

    Break your old one

    On camera. The cracked handle, the worn edge, the one that has been under the passenger seat since 2021. It has served its time.

  2. 02

    Send us the video

    Mail it to support@skiscraper.example. We are not precious about the production values, and the address you send it from is the address the code comes back to. Sending it hands us the right to use it; the third condition below says exactly what that covers.

  3. 03

    Get $5 off

    We send back a code. It works on anything in the store, once, and it does not expire while the season lasts.

Before you break anything

One last thing: please break it outside, on the ground, with eye protection and nobody standing nearby. Cheap plastic has a surprisingly violent retirement plan.

The conditions are printed in full at the foot of this page: one code per person, the age you have to be, and what sending us a video gives us the right to do with it afterwards. The last of those is the one to read before you point a camera at anything.

Dispose of the remains responsibly: broken polypropylene is recyclable in most municipal streams, which is more than can be said for its design. The offer's conditions are in the fine print below; the terms of sale govern the order you spend the code on.

Get $5 off: break an ice scraper you already own, on camera, and send us the video at support@skiscraper.example. We'll send you a $5 off code.

  • One code per person. The code is worth $5 off one order, cannot be combined with another discount, cannot be exchanged for cash, and expires at the end of the season it was issued.
  • The scraper must actually be yours. Buying one just to destroy it defeats the entire point.
  • By sending us your video, you give us permission to use it for our website, social media, advertising, packaging, and other marketing. You still own the video. We just get to put it to work.
  • Only send videos you filmed yourself. Anyone who can be recognized in the video must be okay with us using it too.

One last thing: please break it outside, on the ground, with eye protection and nobody standing nearby. Cheap plastic has a surprisingly violent retirement plan.