The Evolution of Ice Scrapers
Cars got heated seats, cameras and lane assist. The thing you clear the windshield with got a longer handle. Here is how that happened, one disappointment at a time.
Stage 01 of 05
The handheld
Where it all began: a slab of black plastic that has been sitting by the register since before you could drive. It clears a hole the size of a postcard, your knuckles do the rest, and your knuckles get the frost.
- Found
- By the register, next to the jerky
- Lasts
- The first properly cold morning
Stage 02 of 05
The two-in-one
Somebody looked at the handheld and decided it needed a brush on the other end. Now it does two jobs badly instead of one, and it is still too short to reach the middle of the windshield.
- Found
- A bucket at the checkout
- Lasts
- Until the brush goes bald
Stage 03 of 05
The foam grip
Longer, so you can reach. Padded, so it feels serious. The foam drinks the meltwater, freezes solid overnight and spins on the handle by Christmas, and under it is the same blade as stage one.
- Found
- The seasonal aisle, in October
- Lasts
- Until the foam slides off
Stage 04 of 05
The telescoping
The arms race, won: a handle that extends, a squeegee nobody asked for, and a lock that folds the moment you lean on it. Too long for the trunk, too wobbly for the roof, and the blade is still stage one.
- Found
- A big box store, aisle fourteen
- Lasts
- Until the lock gives out
Stage 05 of 05
The Ski Scraper
Then somebody who skis looked at all of this and built one like a ski. It does not snap at the neck, the blade comes off and goes back on, and it is small enough to live in your car.
The last ice scraper you should have to buy.
Still on stage one?
The $5 amnestyFootnote: the offer's conditions skips you to the end. Break the one you already own, on camera, and a code comes back.
- 01
Break your old one
On camera. The cracked handle, the worn edge, the one that has been under the passenger seat since 2021. It has served its time.
- 02
Send us the video
Mail it to support@skiscraper.example. We are not precious about the production values, and the address you send it from is the address the code comes back to. Sending it hands us the right to use it; the third condition below says exactly what that covers.
- 03
Get $5 off
We send back a code. It works on anything in the store, once, and it does not expire while the season lasts.
Before you break anything
One last thing: please break it outside, on the ground, with eye protection and nobody standing nearby. Cheap plastic has a surprisingly violent retirement plan.
The conditions are printed in full at the foot of this page: one code per person, the age you have to be, and what sending us a video gives us the right to do with it afterwards. The last of those is the one to read before you point a camera at anything.